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Game Reviews: Two Worlds

July 7, 2011

I can honestly say that i havent paid for this game myself and i never would, because in my mind its just a shitty rip-off of Oblivion. Its made by those guys that you may (or most likely may not) know made X-Blades, a shitty God of War/Heavenly Sword rip-off. Maybe you, like me, are noticing that all there games are shitty rip-offs of other more succesful games.

The game opens with a long drawn out cutscene with some of the worst character acting ever. Your characters sister is kidnapped by…. Actually thats never properly explained to you. As you find out later though you apparantly know the guy who kidnapped her. Your tasked to gather the 5 magical macguffins in order for them to take over the world or bring back a dead god or something.

This game is as vague as possible while still having a story that cant be described using sentences like “So then the guy used the thing and something happened”. Its pretty damn close to that but its not quite there yet, i hear theres a sequel so no doubt it finally reaches that level in Two Worlds 2.

Your main character and the sister are apparantely twins and have a weird mental connection with each other which is … its not actually used for something other than her being all “no you cant do what they want even though theyll kill me if you dont”.

The graphics are hilariously sub-standard especially when compared to the graphics of games like Oblivion. The characters faces are all horrible looking in such a way that people playing will fondly reminisce to the Bethesda faces.

The game box toots an enviroment that doesnt require loading between indoor and outdoor enviroments, which is technically true because there are no indoor enviroments really. The only places that could be considered indoor look like the inside of a stable. The game also makes up for not having loading between the indoor and the outdoor by having loading between one stretch of boring roadway and a COMPLETELY identical stretch of boring roadway.

The gameplay is kinda crappy. It incorporates dual-wielding, a system which if done well can be great but if done in this game is just pathetic. Your character does these massive grandiose swings with his weapons, swings that are as flamboyant as possible and would leave you open nine times out of ten while fighting an enemy.

They also incorporate horseback sword fighting. The horses are twice as unwieldy as the ones in Oblivion and the fact that you can fight while on the back of one makes it even worse. Your horse has to BUILD UP speed in order to start running as fast as it can and has to keep jogging a good distance to finally come to a stop.

In my mind this is a terrible game and i wouldnt pay ANY amount to buy it. To explain what i said earlier about not paying for it is that i didnt buy it my stepdad did, which should amplify its shittiness.

im a hypocrite, hungry hungry hypocrite

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